Announcement time!

I started this blog to help me be certain to not be misunderstood when trying to convey concepts about which I am passionately opinionated. I feel I am a reasonable person and I can usually explain my position fairly well when given the time and space to do so. However, if I do not have the time or space I have a bad habit of just spewing out snide remarks which can often be inflammatory or offensive in ways I hadn't considered. This is a place I have room for growth. 

I haven't kept up on this blog, because when I was pregnant I was not so much passionately opinionated as constantly enraged (I'm a lightweight when it comes to hormones), and I felt it best to keep that to myself. After that, of course, I simply have too many people to care for and no time for blogging. 

I'm using this format today to make a personal announcement to family and friends because it is one with which I anticipate a lot of descent, disapproval, judging and high running emotions, so I want to be clear. 

 So the announcement is this: we are expecting our fifth child. The estimated due date is may 9th. 

No, this was not planned. We were actively trying not to and being rather diligent about it. It a reminder that Heavenly Father is the one in charge and my challenge is to accept that whatever His plan is, He knows better than I do what's best for our family. So I expect condescending remarks about birth control and lectures about personal responsibility. You should probably keep that to yourself. If it turns violent, I have the hormones to blame. 

We are very poor, and children can be expensive, though after four of them I've discovered they don't have to be nearly as expensive as I thought when I had one. No, we can't afford five children, we can't really afford any children, but I trust Heavenly Father will provide as He always has. We have never gone without food or shelter or clothing thanks to the opportunities He has put in our way and the amazing charitable people He has surrounded us with. I wish He would clear the way for us to be more self sufficient, but I guess we have more lessons to learn at this stage of life first. If you are someone who has helped our family and this news bothers you, please speak to us about it. We do not wish to be a burden, and we know that The Lord will open a way for our needs to be met. 

I know I have a very diverse group of people I associate with and I love that. I carefully think over every aspect of the way I live and how it affects not only my family, but my community and the world. I know you do the same, and even if we come to different conclusions, I respect your intellect and viewpoints. I do not always get that same respect, maybe we could fake it while I'm hormonal?  I do draw the line at Fabian socialism. I'm not saying keep that to yourself, because I like to know who holds this kind of evil in their hearts, I like to know who I can truly trust.  If you are someone who believes in  euthanizing children, the unborn, the elderly, the physically or mentally handicapped, or anyone else as a means of reducing world population, likely we've already argued about it at some point. I just ask that you please keep it out of any discussion having to do with my family. I know you don't understand having compassion or empathy for other human beings. All Fabian socialists that I've met are childless and have most of their human interactions digitally. The thought of innocents being harmed weighs very heavy on my soul, when its my own children, it's unbearable. If you are not this extreme, but simply "pro choice", please don't suggest abortion, it's not on the table. 

The reason we had decided not to have any more children is that my body does not handle pregnancy well. I have severe hyperemesis gravidarum throughout the first trimester. Symphysis pubis disfunction and hyper mobility syndrome greatly limit my mobility and cause constant pain and frequent sprains and dislocations.  I also have most of the other pregnancy complaints magnified several degrees, as well as a neurological disorder that is severely affected by all the hormonal surges of pregnancy and post pregnancy. 

I honestly do try to keep the complaining at a minimum, since it tends to make things worse. I do from time to time break down and vent on Facebook. Usually this is a general distress beacon, a hope that someone out there will see and feel compelled to come save me in some small way. I'm sorry if it annoys you, please just scroll on past. I don't need to be accused of hating my children or causing women to be infertile because I am not overjoyed at every second of my POW camp style torture. 

If I complain of being nauseous, you don't need to suggest that I eat dry toast, sip ginger ale, or don't think about it or any of the other standard advice. Sure these things would be nice to share with a first time mom with morning sickness, but this is not my first time to the rodeo, and I don't have morning sickness, I have hyperemesis gravidarum. What would be helpful, if you feel like helping, would be to bring my husband and kids some healthy prepared food that they can eat without me having to see or smell it, or come clean my kitchen so I can cook for them without the messy counters or dirty dishes sending me over the edge. 

I am not excited about another pregnancy, sure there are things I love about it, pregnancy and childbirth are peak life experiences that can be quite addictive and wonderful, but it's not something I would've chosen to do again at this point in life. Another baby is bitter sweet only in the fact that I had resigned myself to being done, I was looking forward to the freedom that comes from raising older children, but I can be flexible in that I know what a spectacular blessing a baby truly is. I am honored and humbled and overjoyed that Heavenly Father has entrusted these sweet souls to me and I can't wait to meet the newest member of our weird little clan!